


La dolce vita

by mcpie



Category: Secret History - Donna Tartt
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, Italy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 21:47:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18881890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcpie/pseuds/mcpie
Summary: A character study of Julian Morrow





	La dolce vita

The dark blue opium smoke and the languid smell of sex lingered in the air, as the Italian sun was tanning his exposed chest, intending to match it with the delicious caramel of all the boys he fucked on this balcony in the last months. He knew how ridiculous he was, almost forty, father and husband back in England, a coward for leaving them behind. 

And he escaped. From what? 

Julian Morrow thought of it in depth on his journey here, as he acquired false names, as the austere Latin and the passionate Italian became his new mother tongue, still including dusty hints of the harshness of his Greek that he spoke with Adrian, the fury of the English words he exchanged with Joanne. It wasn't him escaping from the responsibility of being a father. Or a husband. It wasn't the fear of getting put into jail for the illegality of his love, of his actions. And finally, he was sure enough of himself to say that it wasn't William's death, either.

It was the mundane.

It was daily life killing all of his desires, his passions, his mind. Everything that was left in him, something that he hadn't sold to age yet, was the hope of sublime moments, the last traces of youth remaining in him. He wasn't supposed to live like this. 

Rome, the eternal city, his only escape. He knew Greece would've been too obvious, if they ever attempted on finding him. He could've gone to Calvyn, to the south of France, to bath in Lavender. But he knew that would've been near to impossible. And he wanted nothing but forgetting the past, starting over. 

He knew he couldn't start over. He could run all he wanted but he couldn't hide from his own madness ever again.


End file.
